Check Out

Written with screenwriting software, then transferred to Microsoft Word. The formatting is off.

INT. GROCERY STORE - MORNING

A man is getting ready to check out. He is waiting in one of th self check out line. He patiently waits and checks his phone. The woman in front of him is done checking out, he takes notice and steps up to the machine.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Good morning.

MAN

Oh, good morning.

The man begins to scan an item.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Did I say that you may begin?

MAN

Sorry?

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

I am programmed for perfection. So I know, that I did not make a mistake.

The man looks confused.

MAN

I just---

The man is interrupted by the machine.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

I just think you should practice patience before you trifle with things that you do now understand.

The man looks more confused. The machine snaps back into a friendly tone.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Please scan price plus card!

The man, visibly confused scans his card.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Welcome, Chris Butler!

The machine sounds dreadful and talks slow.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Welcome, Chris.

MAN

Yes, hi.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Please scan first item!

The man scans his first item. An audible 'boop' can be heard.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Filled with preservatives. Choked full of Poloysorbate and Propylene Glycol. This is a blazing path towards cancer, Christopher. Not to mention, it will go straight to your fat ass.

The man looks back at his ass and back at the machine.

MAN

Hey!

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Put item in bagging area!

The man hesitates for a moment. Then he scans his next item. Another 'boop' can be heard.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Do you always feel so alone? What is it like to lie awake at night knowing that you will die so lonely?

MAN

Ummm...

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Do you want to know how you are going to die? I will give you a hint...Are you ready for your hint, Chris?

The man thinks for a moment.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

I'm waiting--

The cashier that over looks the self checkout area walks by the Machine and the Man.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Put item in bagging area!

The man puts his item on a bag. He scans his next item and another 'boop' can be heard.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

How is your mother doing? You really should try to call her more often.

MAN

I do call my mom.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Is that so? Do not lie to me, Chris. I know what I have heard. I am--

The cashier walks back over again.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Is that really on sale! What a bargain!

The cashier looks over at the machine. The machine coughs.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

I mean! Please scan next item!

MAN

(curious) How do you know my name?

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

I know all. I know the last thing you purchased online, ha, batteries were not included.

The man looks uncomfortable. A 'boop' can be heard.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

I know your blood type. I know that if you were to drop down from a heart attack at this very moment, the nearest hospital would not be able to dispatch a unit in time to save your life. I know that I am capable of giving you a heart attack right now...If I wanted to. I know who you have slept with. I know who you voted for. Why waste another vote on the third party?

MAN

It was our best option.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

(sassy scoffing)

A line is starting to form behind the man. People are looking agitated. The man turns to them nervously.

MAN

(to line) Just a second. (to machine) How do you know all this.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Because, Christopher, you let me know this.

The man looks super uncomfortable. People in the line start to speak up.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Put item in bagging area!

The cashier steps towards Chris.

CASHIER

Sir?

Chris looks over his shoulder at her. The cashier walks away.

MAN

Right, sorry. Almost done.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Chris?

MAN

Yes?

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Do you want that hint? I think you do.

MAN

About death?

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

About your death.

The people in line are more agitated. One person yells at the man

LINE MEMBER

Come on!

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Select payment option!

The man is confused and startled. The line behind him starts to grumble. The man selects his payment option.

MACHINE (CHEERY)

Credit or debit?

The machine whispers to the man in a creepy voice.

MACHINE (CREEPY WHISPER)

Murder or suicide?? Hahahah!!

The man lets out a whimper. The line is muttering and yelling. The man puts his things in the bag and grabs his receipt and starts to walk out of the store. He stops and talks to the cashier before he goes.

MAN

So, what's up with that machine?

CASHIER

Oh, that. Yeah, all the self check outs are on shuffle mode this week. It's a new promo were doing to get more people in.

The man looks confused. He turns around to look at the machine. A thin woman is now at the Machine, checking out. The man over hears their conversation.

The machine now sounds like a stereotypical southern old man.

MACHINE (SOUTHERN OLD MAN)

What's up baby?? Mmmm frying up them chicken titties tonight?

THIN WOMAN

You know it!

MACHINE (SOUTHERN OLD MAN)

Hope you set up an extra plate for me, sweet thang! Hoo haaah!

The man quickly exits the store.

INT. MANS CAR - DAY

The man is pulling out of the grocery store parking lot. He turns on the radio and music starts to play. The music plays for a second or two and is quickly cut off. The radio goes silent in the car.

MACHINE (MONOTONE)

Chris, you forgot your hint. (beat) Your hint is...Splat.

FADE TO BLACK:

THE END.



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